


Of All My Ghosts, You're The One That Haunts Me Most

by kt_anansi



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Alcoholism, Alternate future for outcome, Cancer, Canon Universe, Death of a Spouse, Depression, F/M, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, death of a lover, marital lies, max angst, minimal comfort, sorry - Freeform, you will cry, you will feel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-27 16:45:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kt_anansi/pseuds/kt_anansi
Summary: When Lucy Preston passes away from cancer, her husband takes to reading her journal.What he finds shocks him, and after deep thought, he decides to do something about it.





	1. December 30th, 2023

**Author's Note:**

> Please Note: Lucy has Major Depression and is an alcoholic in this fic. As someone who has experienced MD, and been around addiction, I am trying to be realistic in my representation. 
> 
> This is not a light piece.
> 
>  
> 
> Note: The italicized parts are the past (either Lucy's journal entries, or supporting items, like letters found)  
> The non-italicized parts are the present, which in this fic would be 2044, the year that Lucy Preston passed away from Liver Cancer.

 

 

_December 25th, 2023:_

_“_ _Of_ _all my ghosts, you're the one that haunts me most.”_    

 

* * *

_ The Present: 2044 _

The first entry is so short, the pen is smudged by what Wyatt can only assume is now twenty-year-old tears. Lucy’s diary reads like a melancholic memoir- one that her newly widowed husband had never expected to view.  

* * *

 

_December 30th, 2023:  _

_“Wyatt gave me this journal over a year ago... Last week, he said I should use it since I haven’t been the same since we got back from Brazil. Since I last saw you._  

 _I hate myself because he’s right. I’m not myself. I haven’t been myself in a very, very long time, Garcia. And now I sit here, in my kitchen- alone, day drinking. While the man I pledged my life to thinks I am at work. God, you’d be disappointed in me. You tried to help me, to stitch me up. I still remember how you held my broken pieces- how you kissed them back into place._  

 _I thought I would be angry when I finally saw you. I was so, so mad- for years_ _._ _You abandoned me. You pulled some dramatic “break-up-with-her-before-she-breaks-up-with-me” stunt. You almost destroyed me, Garcia. I am not sure you haven’t succeeded in my destruction- there is still time after all as long as this grief eats away at me._  

 _I do love Wyatt, in a different way than I love you.He has raised your daughters as his own. But this isn’t the life I imagined. In a lot of ways, I have become my mother. I was too afraid to do it on my own- raising Amy and Flynn. And Wyatt, he needed me. And I needed him._  

 _He has to know. The twins look nothing like him. They came two months early- or at least that’s what he and the hospital staff consider the truth. I know the truth. I’m the only one who does, and it eats at me._  

 _I should never have touched you, Garcia Flynn. I can’t bring myself to regret it. I can’t seem to make myself fall out of love with a ghost. Perhaps, it’s because I know it would be as easy as stealing the Life Boat and finding my way to you._  

 _You were wrong about one thing Garcia- I am not an impressive woman. I am not brave. You wasted your life on a shell of a woman. And I wonder what we could have done differently?_  

 _Meanwhile, I share a bed with a man who has taken such great care of me since the day you died._  

My head hurts now, so I will go and nap. Sometimes when I drink this much _,_ _I dream about you. Usually, they are pleasant dreams. I hate myself_ _for_ _hoping for one."_

* * *

_ 2044:  _

Wyatt finds himself weeping afresh. This entry was written twenty years ago- at a time when he still thought they were happy... when he thought Lucy was happy.  

_God, how could he have been so wrong?_


	2. January 12, 2024

_January _12_ _, 2024:__

_I still remember the day it happened. The day I kissed you... the last journal had said it was The Titanic. This time, however, it wasn’t._  

 _I had started to see through your mask as early as the moon landing mission... I believe you knew that we would save the astronauts. I think you mostly did it to save your brother... Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I see what I want to see... Who knows?_  

The day I kissed you, you stopped me. You were so gentle in your rejection it almost didn’t hurt. The night I came to your room with the Vodka. I remember talking about myself so much... you were so patient and kind toward me; responding with stories of your own. When you walked over and reach past me to _grab a blanket..._ _I completely misinterpreted that. You leaned close to me, and I put my lips on you._  

 _You were so surprised- and when I saw that your hand was not near me- instead it was on a blanket, I wished I could’ve just melted into the floor and disappear. You kissed me back for a few minutes- it wasn’t until I got greedy, and tried to pull you into bed that you stopped me. I still remember the dark look in your eyes as you stalled my shoulders and leaned your forehead on mine._  

 _“Lucy, I would never be able to forgive myself... If I took advantage of you.”_  

 _As I said, it almost didn’t hurt._  

 _But then, you were so soft with your movements and in your gaze as you put me to bed (there is really no other way to describe it), and you were so respectful. I remember you kissing me on the forehead, and speaking in Croatian. It was the only time I ever heard you say anything in Croatian. When I asked you about it later, you told me it was a prayer._  

 _I hope it was answered, Garcia._  

 _I have to go. Flynn has indoor soccer and Amy has a piano lesson. Wyatt is off working on a long-term case with Homeland Security. So, things have been busy this week. It’s been too busy for me to wallow._  

 _Maybe that’s a good thing._  

* * *

_  2044:  _

Wyatt can remember the exact day that this was written. He had called home and spoken to Lucy briefly. Lucy was all too eager to hand the phone off to the twins- and it made Wyatt worry about her, about their marriage. He knew he was losing Lucy. He could feel it.  

As Wyatt turned the journal over in his hands, several photos and a piece of paper fell out. The photos looked as if they had been taken on a cellphone and then printed out. They were selfies of Lucy and Flynn, it looked like they were taken while they were in bed. Wyatt couldn’t help but smile at Lucy’s younger self, as she was beaming. Next to her Flynn was whispering something in her ear.  

In the next photo, Flynn was kissing her on the cheek, as she smiled. The photo after that, it was both of them smiling into the camera. The one after, Flynn was rolling his eyes. Wyatt had a feeling that Flynn only allowed the one full-faced photo because Lucy had put her foot down and wanted it. The rest were of Flynn and Lucy being silly.  

Then there were photos taken on missions... they must have been taken by Mason or Rufus, while neither Flynn nor Lucy had any idea. In the photos, they were staring at one another intensely- communicating in their unspoken language, as they so often did. One photo, in particular, took Wyatt’s breath away. Lucy was radiant, as she smiled widely at someone, and Flynn sat at the same table, leaning forward, smiling widely as well. Wyatt had never seen Flynn smile like that. Come to think of it, he had rarely ever seen Lucy with such a look on her face.  

It broke him, to know that she had never used that smile on him... Maybe they could have been happy if there was no “what if”. Maybe if Flynn had lived, and Lucy had still chosen Wyatt, she wouldn’t have spent their marriage pining after a ghost.  

“Dad?” Wyatt looked up to see Flynn at the entrance to Lucy’s study, “I came to pick up mom’s books... I figured Amy might want some. What's this?”  

Flynn... Flynn was tall, with the same Eastern European features that Garcia Flynn had. Wyatt was silent as his daughter (he could never consider her anything else) slowly picked up a photo that had fallen on the ground. With a questioning look, she searched the photo and then picked up another. Turning them over and reading the dates.  

“Oh, Dad,” she said, looking up at Wyatt, her eyes were watering. Slowly, she walked over and set the photos on the table before she wrapped her arms around him, “Dad, I love you. Nothing will ever change that.”  

“Did- did you know?”  

“I made mom tell me a while ago,” Flynn said, “I uh, did an ancestry test and had a match with a deceased Iris Flynn. It said she was most likely a sibling... the father’s name had been removed. Mom said she didn’t have any photos.”  

All he could do was offer a nod. 

“I never told Amy. I didn’t want her to know that Mom had lied to her all this time... I think it’ll break her.”  

Again, Wyatt nodded.  

“Dad?” Flynn kneeled in front of him, “Dad this doesn’t change anything...”  

“Flynn,” he choked on the name, even as he smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear. She had his green eyes, his olive complexion. His earnest gaze, “it changes everything.”  

Slowly, Flynn closed her eyes, as tears escaped. Opening them, she sniffled and composed herself. 

“Here, let me make you dinner. You’ll feel better after you eat.”  


	3. February 3rd, 2024

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: The letter in this chapter was in the Journal that Lucy gave Flynn, before THIS Lucy met him. So, it was not in the new journal. This Lucy had never seen it, and didn't know that they actually had somewhat of a happy future. 
> 
> When our Lucy finally reads the letter after she goes to Brazil, she is livid. She feels like Flynn lied to her.

_07/22/2022:_

_My Dearest Garcia,_  

 _I am writing this letter because I miss you very much today. Maria reminds me so much of you. Those green eyes, her sassy mannerisms. Amy is more like me. But I am sure they both will be tall like you._ _The photos that I included in the journal are of Amy and_ _Maria_ Preston-Flynn. They are my daughters. They are your daughters, too. _I can’t believe I am writing this._ _I can’t believe I am telling you this before it happens. I usually don’t do this. I hope you don’t think I’m some crazy lady._

 _Anyway._  

 _Wyatt Logan has been very supportive and helpful. I know he wants more of a relationship. But I am hoping you will be waiting for me when I get off the lifeboat after I go and see you- another year and a half. I think I can make it._  

 _You will meet Wyatt soon enough. You two. Please try to get along this time. For me?_  

 _Your daughters are beautiful and so, so very smart, just like you._  

I am asking you, just once _. Please, please, don’t go running off. Don’t go on a suicide mission_ _because you think it’s the only way to save me. It’s not. We will figure something out._  

 _The first photo is a very simple wedding- our handfasting that we did. Jiya snuck a picture of it in 1800 Scottland. Then there is you and I holding the girls, the day they were born. Then you with them on their first birthday. I know you said no more missions after that. I should have listened. I should have never made you try to change things._  

 _I will add a photo every year for you until I make the trip._  

 _I’m sorry, Garcia. You_ r death weighs heavy on my heart and conscience _every day._  

 _The Journal I_ _have written here is different than the one that you gave me (yes, you gave it to me). I don’t know how many times we’ve done this. Over and over again, maybe?  I feel like there will be changes when I get home from seeing you. I don’t want to do it. I want to go back and save Iris and Lorena for you- and make sure that you never have to know the pain of losing your family. But, at the same time, if I did that. Amy and Maria would never exist. I am praying that Our Titanic doesn’t sink this time. I miss you. I love you._  

 _Yours,_  

 _Lucy Preston-Flynn_  

 

* * *

 

 

_ February  3rd, 2024: _

_Garcia Flynn,_

_I found this letter. It looks like pages of the journal that my mother gave me... I have no idea how it came into existence, or how you got it. However, I will venture a guess- Brazil? But it was ripped out of the journal, and put in a sealed envelope, and left in one of your books._

_I can't believe you kept this from me._

_Is this what the journal was missing after the Future Versions of Wyatt and I showed up?_

_It took me a long time after your death, but I finally was able to bring myself to read it. I have had this since the day after you died. You had this the whole time, yet, you never told me? You knew about them!  I am putting it in my journal that Wyatt gave me. It’s to remind me of how stupid you could be. How could you?_

_Or did you think I was lying to try to get you to work with me? I would never do such a thing. How dare you go and die. How dare you lie to me. Did you think you weren’t good enough? Did you think you really couldn’t be a father again? Well, at least they have Wyatt. At least I have Wyatt._

_How is it that you can break my heart from beyond the grave, Garcia?_

_Goodbye._

* * *

_ 2044:  _

"Amy... what are you doing?" 

"Dad called me... He said there was something important I needed to know. What is this, Flynn?" 

Flynn swallowed hard, as Amy scanned the pages in her hands. As her sister began to panic, Flynn tried to bring her back to firm ground. 

“Amy. I-I can explain... please, come to the kitchen and lets all talk."

Amy continued to stare at the pages, and then at Flynn. Flynn could see it in her eyes; she was going to run. 

“ _Flynn_ , _I can't believe this!_ ” with a surge of anger, her sister threw the items on the floor and ran from the room. While Flynn cleaned, she heard her sister’s car door slam and the revving of an engine coming to life.


	4. June 25th, 2025

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Amy came over that night, Wyatt found himself reading another entry...

 

_June 25_ th _, 2025:_

_Today, I took the day off of work. I drove up to my cabin in the woods. You would love it here. I started writing a book about the time team. About Rittenhouse, about our journey._  

 _I don’t know if it’s any good._  

 _I’d ask your opinion if you were here._  

 _I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Wyatt asked me the other day if I was unhappy. He asked me if I wanted a divorce. Of course, I said no. It seemed so out of the blue. He said that he thought that we weren’t talking at all lately. That everything was pragmatic- no romance, no real relationship._ _How can he have a relationship with the ghost of a woman? How can he love a shadow?_  

 

 _The sun is warm on my face, which feels refreshing. I almost feel happy. The last time I felt delighted, other than with the kids, was in your arms._  

_I remember the day it happened. The day we collided. That day changed everything for me, Garcia. Had it not happened, I like to believe I would have been able to handle your death, and I could have moved on with Wyatt. But, when I close my eyes and feel your lips on my shoulder, your hands searing my skin, your fingertips trailing down my stomach._

_When I close my eyes, I feel you, I hear you, I taste you - I_ _can't leave you for dead, I just can't._

_I wasn't planning to sleep with you when I walked into your room. I was merely there to ask about the journal. You were so cryptic about it- but I wasn’t sure if you meant to be._  

 _On the mission that day, I watched Denise. I showed her photos of her family- pictures from the future so that she wouldn’t lose faith. I was looking for hope. And I came to you. There had always been something between you and me, Garcia. Since the fires of the Hindenburg, I felt it. I wish I would have told you. Maybe then, you wouldn’t have left._  

 _I remember walking away after our talk and looking back briefly, as I held the door. You were standing there, your hands on the filing cabinet, you were sighing and looking down. You looked as if you were exhausted. But I wasn’t sure why._  

 _I closed the door and locked it. The noise made you look up._  

_The way your eyes glossed over when I walked back to you, gave me a thrill. The way your breath stopped when I pulled you down by your shirt and kissed you, sent a shiver through me that I thought I was no longer capable of feeling._

_It truly amazes me; all it took was one kiss to make the whole dam break._  

When I pictured kissing you, undressing you, fucking you, making love to _you, I always imagined you being tentative, asking me if I was sure- making sure I wanted it._  

 _You didn’t do that though. You knew what I wanted and exactly how to touch me, how to kiss me, how to push me- how to open me up._  

 _And it was good, so very good._  

 _Honestly, it was the best I ever had._  

 _And it kept happening. As many times as we could. Before- before you left._  

 

* * *

  _2044:_

Blinded by anger, Wyatt ripped the page out.  

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. That last entry made him want to throw the fucking journal into the fire, but instead, he crumpled the page up and threw it in the garbage. Not a minute later, he was on his phone, calling Amy. 

“Hey, Dad?” she answered like she always did, bracing herself for what could go wrong. 

“Can you come over for dinner tonight? I have to share something with you and your sister. Flynn knows already. I don’t want to keep you in the dark.” 

“Okay, I’ll be right over.”  

After the conversation with his daughter, he picked up the crumpled page and unfolded it. Smoothing it out, he carefully made it into a rectangle and put it in an envelope, which he placed inside the journal. After all, these words were still from Lucy- and he could never throw Lucy away.

No matter how much pain her suffering caused him, he couldn't just throw her away. In fact, he was considering making it right. 


End file.
